Latenightness

It would seem as though most personal blog posts come late at night, when Joel is already asleep and I just can't seem to rest my head on the pillow quite yet. That's when the mind races, when I process and realize that I need Christ more than ever. I need You more than ever!

I was looking over my last post, remembering those thoughts, and I keep going over the same line: patience that stays. Hm, patience that stays. I still need it, and I love the idea of it and what it brings. Patience that stays. There's only once source for that. Heavens! What my life would look like if I had such a thing. The kind of woman I'd be, the gracefulness I would exude... a woman people would feel at home around!

I was on my way to being this woman years ago. And then the difficult and dark things came in college and sent me back to the beginning. It's almost like being a stubborn, impatient child again. I can't tell you how many times I've looked in the mirror as I'm putting on makeup in the morning and day-dreamt of time travel, wishing I could warn myself of what's to come, telling me all of the bad decisions not to make and all of the things I should turn away from in the following years. But I guess things don't happen like that for a reason. I'm supposed to be at this point, at this moment, struggling to become patience, gracefulness, and innocence, which only comes from loving Christ with all of my being. I know that Kate is within me somewhere, it's just been awhile since I've seen her.

This usually would be the paragraph that I would dismiss college as a frustrating, pointless time of losing the beauty and simplicity I once had, but I learned way too much in my bible classes about Christ and who He is to be doing such a thing, as well as met Joel through this period of life, so I simply can't. Out of all of it came so much good and so much bad. I treasure one and revolt against the other. I can't deny that out of it all came the man I am laying next to, snoozing away in our warm little bed. I would gladly take him and continue fighting the bad.

And at that level of honesty I end. Adieu.