I feel it all.

I weird myself out by the impulses I have from time to time. Sometimes, I have to hold myself back from blurting out some outrageous and personal truth I know about someone in front of a group of people who would be shocked beyond belief. Other times I feel like throwing something as far as I can, or throwing something fragile against a wall... dishes, glasses, something that will shatter. And then other times I just want to scream as loud as I can. It's an unnerving feeling, having all of these strange inclinations and for the first time, feeling that I'm actually capable of bypassing my brain's filter completely and acting on it. I'm sure I never will... I just catch myself off guard, as if I have a little side of my that's just a bit crazy.

And then there are the strange times where it seems like I feel it all. I feel 20 different emotions at once without any reason. I just feel the weight of something. I had such an amazing day today with friends, ending with a wonderful time laughing at our friends' apartment. But for some reason I drove home feeling a swirl of emotions... not necessarily feeling depressed, but quite literally feeling it all. Everything. Maybe I'm just tired, maybe I haven't had so much large friend group time in awhile, or maybe the Holy Spirit is burdening me, I'm not sure. I'm glad I have a Savior who loves me... and a husband too!

We watched Pixar's new film "Up" today, brilliance brilliance brilliance. I can't quite understand how their writers can write such touching films that have a bit of everything in them. And the characters always have these great turns and moments of discovery and truth that are just captivating. I am SO glad that Pixar takes the time during these turns in the movie, takes the time to let the characters go through those turns and let them have their poignancy.

While I was sitting in the theatre I also realized that I cry in movies now way more than I ever have. I think it has to do with the subject matter though... especially when some great love is portrayed and one of the lovers dies. Especially if they grow old together and one of them goes first. It just reminds me of Joel and I 60 years from now. (big sigh)

To bed, to sleep, to another day!