take a little trip.

Joel and I got back from Grand Rapids, MI yesterday. I know, I think it's random too. Our friends were playing a show at Calvin college and we all just decided to take a mini-roadtrip.

I feel like all of the midwest looks the same in the winter. Come on, Spring, get over here!

It's going to be a crazy few days of editing photos and getting my business together, on top of which Joel and Alan have are having a dinosaur birthday party this Saturday. My gift to Joel was going to be making a cake from scratch, but then I realized two things: 1, I've never made a cake from scratch and it might not be a good idea to feed my first attempt to a whole party of people. 2, There are about 20 people going. That's a lot of cake for someone who doesn't even own an electric mixer. So I decided to make the icing and use at least 2 boxed cakes. Is that pathetic? I guess I want to be more prepared and well practiced before I share my "baking skills" with all of our friends.

I really wish I was a great cook/baker. I've never really had the opportunity to learn, but it's something I've always wished for. It goes along with my dream of being a graceful, kind, good-at-all-things-domestic wife. I'm working on it.

It's continually occurring to me that I shouldn't expect strong interventions of the Holy Spirit or huge messages from Jesus unless I'm listening. I'm not saying that He can't surprise me when I'm busy with my own selfishness, but it's more of my way of saying that I'm not really a good listener sometimes, that I don't really look for ways that He's working until I look back years later and realize how blind or ungrateful I am. It's not so much a depressing thing, because I'm excited to actually turn my ears and eyes on again, to be in constant communication with Him throughout the day and to really realize His grace and presence at the end of each day.

Phew!

Today is a new day. I've been sorting through some product shots that I took a few days ago and simultaneously keeping up with all of the stuff I have scheduled in... portraits, engagement session, fashion shoot meeting, pho dinner, meeting up with friends from California, going to the DMV (gasp!)... it's going to be a crazy weekend. Joel has been selling some of our old computer/camera stuff on eBay and that's been a funny process too... clearing all of the personal data and cloning the hard drives to get it all sent out... eBay is hilariously weird when you really think about it.

Mutemath came out with a new EP the other day. I know, I'm completely pathetic for even mentioning it here, but they're amazing and I can't really help it. It's pretty solid... all of Mutemath's stuff is solid, with a few standout songs on each album. I can't wait to see the whole thing, because I think the best is yet to come. That's all I'll say. :)

Photography full-time? Yes please! If everything falls into place in the next week or two, then expect it. Ciao!

Love wash over a multitude of things

I've been having some weird crisis lately. I have these mini crisis every once and awhile and I can't really say why. It's as if I have to re-evaluate my life and where I am and what I'm doing every couple of days, which can get really tiring. Half the things rambled are either completely untrue or just plain ridiculous, but the fact that I didn't get the job I was going for really set it into motion.

I didn't get the job. It took one month: narrowed down to myself and one other person with one group interview, one personal interview, two glowing references and nothing but great things from the employer. But she didn't choose me.

It's mind blowing. I thought for sure I had gotten it. After 3 1/2 months of searching and feeling the desperation of money flying out of our account with no return, I thought our prayers and the prayers of friends and family had been answered. Now, after a drawn out process of a month, I have nothing to show for it and am back where I started in October. I've applied for hundreds of jobs, and nothing. It's so hard not to feel totally hopeless in an unforgiving economy that simply spits on new college grads. I know God will provide, that He has our best in mind... it's just hard to see in the fog of a situation like this.

So that situation led to wondering, should we have even moved here in the first place? That was a resounding yes. Despite my stress, my feelings of disconnect and wondering if I'll ever truly fit in with friends here, and the unknown... this is where we're supposed to be. We love this town. We love the pace, the weather, the beauty of the midwest suburbs and the great city of Chicago, and the desire amongst our friends to serve the Lord.

It picks me up to think about what life might be like when summer hits: having a thriving photography business, bicycling into downtown Wheaton and getting ice cream on a warm day, wearing shorts and flip flops every day, going to Wheaton's parks and having picnics, eating hotdogs and yelling at the players at a Cubs game at Wrigley field in downtown Chicago... I can't wait to share all of this with Joel. It makes me hopeful that someday I'll look back and laugh at all of this, the winter period of our lives... poor, stressed, and confused at what God has for us.

Hopefully, summer is coming.